2 Mommies and a Baby
Thursday, February 01, 2007
the ugly side
That means he is going to be born THIS MONTH!
Today, I wanted to share with my readers a TMI entry – it’s about the dark and ugly side of pregnancy. If you are slight of heart or weak of stomach, please turn away and move on to a lighter and more uplifting blog.
You see, pregnancy is a beautiful, amazing, wonderful, magical thing. But, to be perfectly honest, it is not all sunshine and roses and sweet smelling moments!
Pregnancy is feeling bloated and fat, burping, farting, hiccupping, heartburn, gagging, puking, gasping*, snoring, hacking**, runny nose, sneezing, discomfort, moaning, whining and, I saved the best for last, “inking.”
What is inking, you ask?
Remember the line "awww, you made me ink!" from the little octopus in Finding Nemo?***
Inking happens when you sneeze, throw up, gag, or just for no reason whatsoever.
It is for this reason that pregnant women must still use pads. Got the picture? It’s not pretty.
A night of preparing for bed might entail a few "hacks", a gasp or two, some moans, then a bigger hack and a frantic roll off the bed, run to the bathroom followed by some expletives and a need for new undies.
"Did you ink?" I usually ask.
You body is no longer your own when you are pregnant. Your body is under the control of this being inside of you that starts kicking your ass when it’s smaller than the nail on your pinky finger.
You are subjected to swift kicks in the gut, ribs, bladder, etc. You will be awakened at 2, 4, 7 am from hiccups deep within your belly. You will have heartburn 4 hours after you have eated a seemingly harmless piece of bread.
But, this is all worth it. (I can say that with ease, because I am not the pregnant one)
I still think Loey is the most beautiful woman ever!
When this little boy comes, he will take over the burping, farting, whining, gasping, throwing up, etc. for Mommy Loey.
And we will think it’s the cutest thing ever!
*the gasping, we discovered, may be sleep apnea. Lois gasps for air when she’s sleeping. It’s slightly disconcerting, but we’re getting used to it
**hacking, to me, is that noise we make that’s the beginning of the throw up – but in this case no throw up happens. I don’t know how Lois is so sure that there’s no puke behind the hack when she does it. She does it a lot, sometimes while making dinner. Weird?!?
***for the slower members of the class, it’s when you pee a little