2 Mommies and a Baby
Friday, January 12, 2007
my own little breakdown
It was me who had the latest breakdown.
I’m not sure what really set me over the edge, but it happened last night.
I was upset because I was busy at work and had to leave to play tennis in my mother’s group because I was too absorbed in life that I forgot to find a sub.
I was upset because I have to much to do at work and had to bring work home and hate leaving this “new great career job” for other obligations.
I was upset because if Lois went into labor last night or today, I would feel awful about all of the loose ends at work, and I hate feeling that way.
I was upset because I just didn’t want to screw everything up.
I was upset that I needed to get stuff to eat for dinner because I hadn’t been grocery shopping and all Lois had to eat in the house was frozen bourbon chicken and one piece of pizza.
I was upset that I was going grocery shopping at Stew Leonard’s and I didn’t know what to get because Lois wasn’t with me.
I was upset because I heard that Target was having a HUGE sale on winter infant clothes and I really wanted to go get some 12-18 month stuff but Lois couldn’t come with me.
I was upset that Lois’ mother hasn’t bought the crib yet and is using the fact that I don’t have the room done as a reason.
I was upset because everything costs money and the town property taxes are due this month.
I was upset that Lois’ boss is being an ass and will fight having to give her unemployment so she will be hanging in this oblivion of unpaid leave until she finds another job.
I was upset because I am so out of shape and heavy that my clothes don’t fit and one hour of tennis made my back hurt again.
I was upset that my stupid Hyundai is less than 2,000 miles away from the 100,000 mile warranty being up, it’s been in the shop 3 times in the past 8 weeks and still has that fucking rattle somewhere underneath the car.
It’s all silly little stuff, I know.
I’m not much for crying but Lois cracked me last night, knowing that something was wrong.
We cried together as she held me in bed. Then, I fell into a fit of restless sleep for the rest of the night.
I feel awful that she’s the one going through the insanity of the bed rest, no income thing and I’m supposed the be the one keeping everything together. The last thing I want to do is stress her out even more.
On my way to work this morning, Bryan Adam’s “Have you Ever Really Loved a Woman” came on and I cried. I think it was the “can you see your unborn children in her arms?” that did it to me.
In the grand scheme of things, I know there are so many bright sides to what we are going through right now, but I still just needed a breakdown I guess.