2 Mommies and a Baby

We went out to dinner the other night and I sat across from Lois staring at her as we waiting for Laura to arrive.
I cornered her.
“Listen, we are going to have a child. We. Us. Not just you. You are seriously, seriously, thinking that I should be a parent too? Do you understand that? Have you met me?”
“Of course," she said. "And you will be a great parent.”
“Me? I can’t keep a plant alive, I can’t dress myself without help, I leave my water bottle on the roof of my car when I pull away, my keys in my trunk on a regular basis, I play on my GameBoy before I go to bed, I am addicted to my iPod and I still giggle like a small child when Laura makes me laugh. Maybe I not mature enough to be a parent.”
“You will be a great parent. You will balance me out. I will be the one to be the stricter one, the one picking up everything, etc. You will be the one playing on the floor, watching the Disney movies and singing along to kids’ songs.” I couldn’t imagine myself singing along to the Wiggles. The kid is going to have to be a Melissa Etheridge and a Sheryl Crow fan.
“So,” I said, “you are completely prepared to enter into a parental role with me as your co-pilot, with full awareness that you could leave me alone with a child and come home to a house with 45 toys strewn about, a child with a full diaper, pants on backwards and grape jelly from head to toe and you are okay with that???”
She smiled to hide the cringing but nodded nonetheless.
That satisfied me.
This is truly happening and we are going to be parents. I know we have talked about it for years, but I didn’t think she really thought I was capable.
I am so incredibly thrilled and she always looks at me with bewilderment like she didn’t realize how truly excited I would be.
We are going to be parents.
And we will balance each other out.
I may not be as hopeless as I think I am.
And Lois will most likely sing in the car to the Wiggles (and definitely to Melissa) as well.

this is not the best picture. it does look more like a blur than anything, but our doctor put the Hi Mommies! quote in there so I have this pic in my wallet.  
It was a little tough to get a clear picture because he/she/it was wriggling around quite a bit. I think we are going to have an active child.

Last night, we saw Ziggy for the first time. It was verification that, YES, there is something growing in there.
The doctor let me do the dad things and I watched on the monitor as we saw Ziggy from every possible angle. The heart rate was very good, 172 bpm and the little critter is 23 mm long.
I, of course, needed a little guidance from the doctor to determine which was the head and which was the rump. Some pics even let us see little legs and arms.
The most incredible part was watching the heart beat. My mature and parental response to that was "That is so cool!"
After we got all excited, we let Loey look too. It appears that Ziggy might be a little ham as he/she/it was wriggling a little bit for the camera. I couldn't tell if there was a smile.
Our prior math was a little off, so the due date is now March 1, 2006 and today is exactly 9 weeks.
When I get home from work tonight, I will post a picture or two of the little ultrasound blob.
We both agreed over a high class diner meal dinner last night that Ziggy currently looks like a gummy bear.
We are hoping that will change.

We are (Loey is) 9 weeks and 1 day pregnant. It is still very, very early.
At least, that’s what my mother said last night.
Yes, I told my mother. She is reserved for the time being. I am thinking that when a cute little baby appears, she will be less reserved.
We will be having our first pictures of Ziggy tomorrow night. This will be a big step towards making sure things are okay with the baby-to-be.
I am not sure when my mother feels it will be appropriate to start telling people, but I would have probably waiting longer to tell people than Lois. She seems unconcerned about dealing with questions if something goes wrong.
I am waiting until I get the ok from the doctor to “tell people” and then will let this blog out into the friends’ world.
The other concern is that my brother and I want to go to Californ-i-a to see the grandparents this Fall. If we go in October, would Loey be showing too much? How would I explain that one? This is my best friend/roommate who is single and got knocked up on purpose and we are buying a house together?!?!?
Lois is considering telling the girls the next time she sees them. She is just so anxious to tell them.
I would die to be a fly on the wall in that house when they bring that news home!

Today is my 29th birthday and Loey gave me a birthday card from Ziggy saying "Can't wait to meet you."
How unbelievably cute is that?
Are we becoming solipsistic?

A friend of mine sent me a NY Times article (which I had already read because I already get the paper with “all the news that’s fit to print.”)
The article was a review of “Making Grace” – a documentary following a lesbian couple trying to have a baby.
The review was positive, stating the obvious – that the people who would most be affected by it won’t watch it – the homophobes.
It actually sounded cute and I think I am definitely going to try and see it.
The article ended with this paragraph:
Emphasizing sameness over difference, this is the kind of film rarely seen by those likely to benefit most from its universal message. Watching Ann and Leslie gaze at sonograms, attend Lamaze classes and register for a baby shower, homophobes and their ilk would no doubt be comforted to learn that expectant lesbian parents can be as boring and solipsistic as the rest of us.
First, I looked up the word solipsistic…
It means:
1. The theory that the self is the only thing that can be known and verified
2. The theory or view that the self is the only reality.
In other words, lesbians, like anyone else on the planet, become self absorbed and only into the baby when pregnant.
We are trying to promise ourselves that it won’t happen to us. We don’t want to only talk about the baby. Right now, it’s the size of a lima bean, not much to discuss there.
It is our goal, basically, to not become boring and solipsistic during this entire ordeal.
I truly hope our friends will tell us when we are becoming solipsistic. Or in some other words.

Lois counts like her mother.
Lois and I once went walking with her mother by their condo. We finished one lap around the little track and Lois' mom defiantly said, "Two."
When we questioned her, she said, "we are starting lap Two."
This has become a running joke among Lois, Laura and I.
"There are three of us here, but if Lois' mom was counting, it would be 4."
I am one of those people who would finish my first lap and say "One" to myself to avoid any confusion.
I am thinking that Lois counts like her mother.
I think the baby (fetus) is 7 weeks old (well, actually 5 weeks since you can't be pregnant before you are pregnant, I know I know). Lois always says we are on week 8.
"We are in Week 8."
"But the fetus is only 7 weeks. You are getting ahead of yourself."
I would think the ticker would be helpful, but a little reminder that Lois has 226 days left does not seem to make her feel any better about the length of this whole process.
I am also thinking that agreeing with Lois as often as possible is better for me anyway.
So when someone asks how pregnant Lois is I will have an answer ready. I will say "She is 10 weeks pregnant, actually we really only conceived 8 weeks ago but really we are on Week 11."
Maybe that will get people to think twice before asking.

Poor Loey has been tired lately. She always has been a good sleeper, but it appears to me that she is more tired than usual. And I hope she rests when her body tells her to.

She is not in love with being pregnant, and she probably won’t be. But I love watching this and being a part of it.

When I look at her, I am so happy and excited that we are having a baby together. I love her more and more every day (if that was possible) just thinking about what is going on in that body of hers. And she is so much stronger than she really gives herself credit for. She really thinks she is a wimp, but she is going to make it through this and this is amazing.

It’s so incredible and such a frightening journey. I am just hoping and praying that this pregnancy results in a healthy, beautiful baby (and as painless as possible delivery for the mommy).

The doctor appointment happened yesterday and to our disappointment, we didn’t get an ultrasound done. That visit will be in 2 weeks (so I can try again to get out of work early).
I got there late, of course. It wasn’t entirely my fault. A tanker truck exploded on the main roadway from my office to the doctor’s office. (I hope the driver is ok). And in two separate spots on the alternate route, there were disabled vehicles causing backup.
But I got there, eventually.
First, it was confirmed that Loey is pregnant. That, we already knew. I mean, her boobs are getting bigger and turning blue, her appetite has changed, she missed her period, we did inseminate while she ovulated last month, we had two positive pregnancy tests and she is tired a lot.
Then we went through the “what you need to know now” stuff.
Since Loey is over 35 (but not by much), there are certain concerns the doctors have. We will be going to the UConn Health Center in 5-6 more weeks to have a more thorough ultrasound there after our initial one in the doctor’s office.
We did talk about nutrition. It was basically confirmed that I was right about eating more proteins and not eating Wether’s Originals to fight off any low blood sugar feeling. It was also confirmed that Loey does not like 80% of the food that is the most nutritious (seafood, spinach, lean beef, yogurt, milk, etc.).
We are working on the nutrition part.
So, in two weeks, we will go in and have the ultrasound and make sure there is a heartbeat and that we are on track.
Current due date is February 26, 2006.
The best news that we received is that the midwife doesn’t think we are having twins (but she did say she has been wrong before when this early in the pregnancy).
Let’s hope she is not wrong.

I can't seem to get it on the blog without some crazy stuff happening, so I will just have to refer to this on a daily basis...

Time left until we are co-mommies!!!

This is what a baby looks like at 8 weeks, which we are just starting. I think pictures like this are incredible. Loey thinks it looks like a little alien and not a cute little baby.  
We call the baby Ziggy - it started when we were talking about it being just a little zygote in the beginning.
According to babyzone.com, Ziggy is in the 2nd day of his/her/its 8th week.
This math is really throwing me off. I still think it is week 6 since conception was only 6 weeks ago, but, whatever.
We are going to the doctor today and maybe we will be able to see a picture of Ziggy.
While Loey is not excited about the poking and proding which comes with any visit to the Gyno, she is anticipating it just a little.
Plus, babyzone.com recommends that Dad should take Mommy out to dinner after the pre-natal visit as a little celebration.
Maybe I should offer. I need to be working on the Daddy/Birth Partner stuff.

Lois had a "non-symptom" or two this week.
Apparently, she experienced something other than morning sickness or nausea, she had a 'weird moment' where she felt warm and shaky. She has put it in the category of a low blood sugar feeling.
I started in on her about the fact that she needs to eat breakfast now, have more square meals with proteins, fats, natural sugars, etc.
This she shrugged off and seemed to think that maybe having orange juice in the morning would make everything okay.
For the low sugar thing that she is convinced is happening, she nodded slightly when I mentioned fruit.
So far, the only change I have noticed in her food intake in the last few days since these feelings have started is that she now carries a bag of Werther's Originals around with her.
I think we need to rework the nutritional plans for the remainder of the pregnancy.

That big question arises of when we tell everyone about the baby.
In a heterosexual situation, it is easier to hide the fact that you are even trying to get pregnant so you can wait a few months (usually 3 months) to tell anyone so you are through the most delicate time of the pregnancy.

Lois inseminated only 4 weeks ago today. In exactly one more week, she will have her initial consult with the OB/GYN. I just know we won’t be able to wait until September to tell people, but I am pushing to hold off on telling the whole world just yet.

In our situation, it is tough. Since we had to find a donor, and go through certain procedures, most of our friends knew we were trying. Now, they are already asking. Basically, everyone at the BBQ yesterday found out. Lois had told her parents, her brother and sister-in-law and their kids already know. We’re excited but I wanted to be more cautious at this point. I need to tell my parents, maybe after the consult. Maybe I will tell my mother when the kid is 3 years old.

Now the big question, do I tell my grandparents?

Lois is convinced she will have no symptoms...other than the getting bigger part. She claims to have more energy and less of an appetite, with no nausea.
Yesterday afternoon, in the midst of our running errands, she had to have a piece of pizza.
We stopped at the carnival at the mall thinking a carnival had to have pizza. No such luck. We drove to a pizza place less than a mile away, no luck.
We finally gave in and went to the mall because she admitted that she may kill me if we drove around any more with no pizza.
This, she claims, is normal behavior for her and not a symptom. Here, I must agree, but I am starting to keep tabs on these needs.

I returned the “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” book last night to Barnes & Noble.
“I never opened it,” I told the cashier. He gave me a gift card for the $24.00 and I was back at the counter a few moments later using my gift card on “The Pregnancy Book” by Dr. Sears. The cashier raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.
I tried reading the book a little last night but got frustrated. My sister-in-law recommended it over “What to Expect When You are Expecting,” so I bought it. It may take me some time to get into it.
I am a liner reader. I need a book that reads something like instructions: WEEK 2 – what to eat, how to feel, what not to touch, inhale, do/do not life heavy things, the baby is the size of a raisin. This book will require more time and reading than flipping to one given page and reading a quick list or paragraph.
Sigh.
I’ll work on it. I need to be the supportive partner in this, but mostly, I need this information to be able to tell Lois to stop trying to lift heavy things, stop using a gallon of bleach a week to clean, etc.
I am a little confused about some of the things that I have read here and there. On babyzone.com, everything is broken down in weeks, which is good for my attention span. But, I have a problem with their counting system.
It counts the age of the pregnancy from the last period. Apparently, the reason is that every woman has a different cycle so counting from the LMP (last menstrual period for those who are having trouble following) and adding 40 weeks to determine the due date.
On the website, since Lois’ LMP is May 23, she is almost in Week 6.
In my mind, she cannot be in Week 6 because we did not inseminate until June 7th. That was only 3+ weeks ago.
You cannot be pregnant 2 weeks before you are pregnant. That’s my rationale anyway.
But I will follow along. She’s at Week 6. There, I said it.
The Dr. Sears book looks at the actual age. We are in Week 4. I think.
This will probably be a long confusing 9 months.
The OB/GYN visit is July 12th. She’ll help explain this stuff to the little old stubborn me.
Since I wasn’t there for the insemination, I should try to be there for this one.