2 Mommies and a Baby

Oh, yes, this is definitely a boy...







Here's a little profile...







And a strong little leg...







Number 1...







Hi Mommies!!!







And finally, the coolest picture ever...







PEACE! or
"Yippee! I have 2 mommies!"


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I was wrong. Lois was right.

The most important thing is that everything looks great! Healthy! Wonderful!
I have a bunch of pictures that I need to get to a scanner over the weekend to post.

Wow...Chubby's a boy!

Tomorrow is the anatomy scan.

I am so excited, I can't wait to find out! Maybe I'm just more excited to prove that I am right for thinking Chubby's a girl!

What if Chubby doesn't cooperate!?!?!?

Did I mention I am very excited?

--

Last week, I had this sinus-allergy-sore throat-dry chest-cold thing. It was difficult to sleep and very uncomfortable. I was stuffy but dry, achy but not flu-like. I went to work but whined a lot.

This week, Lois has it.

I feel awful that I gave it to her. At least I could take all kinds of medication. Poor thing.

So sorry Lo...

We took a road trip yesterday (with Shawna and a pregnant Salina) up to Hartford to do a little USA Baby, Babies R Us and Target previewing.

We met Brian the ex-Air Force officer who is a child safety expert. Even though we were 100% sure of our Graco Travel System choice, Brian might have talked us out of it.

Here’s the Britax travel system that has a 16 pound stroller versus the Graco 30 pound stroller.





And the car seat base is much more secure than the Graco or Cosco style bases.



We think we found the crib at Babies R Us, but it looks so much darker online than it is in the store.



Finally, for the picture quiz of the day, are the two pregnant girls and Aunt Shawna are either (a)"testing gliders while discussing bedding sets" or (b) just trying to find an excuse to sit on their tired asses?



BTW - we spent no money other than lunch at Ruby Tuesday's. But I am itching to register!!!

5 Days left until the anatomy scan!

Calling all readers!!

It's poll time! Or better known as "we need help and input" time!

I am taking a poll for potential nursery bedding. Keep in mind that the furniture in the room will be the color of the crib I posted yesterday.

Lois wants me to narrow it down to 2-3 choices and then present them to her for discussion. My mind is still completely open to suggestion.

I am also thinking about painting the room, not anything as extravagant as Wendy & Karen’s set up or as creative and cute as Stacey & Angele’s (both of which are incredibly cool), but maybe something easy that I can handle.

First the girl themes

Flutterbye (Girl choice A)

or

Holly Hobbie (Girl choice B) (This one is special to me since I was named after Holly Hobbie. No, I’m not kidding. My parents let me sister name me. It could have been worse, I guess).

Now, onto the boy themes

Transportation (Boy choice A)

Planes (Boy choice B)

Can you tell I like airplanes? Target has a cute train one too, but I’m not sure Lois is ‘on board’ with it..LOL. And, I am still looking for a sports theme that I like.

I really like boy themes better since I am not a big fan of pink, but I am still convinced we are having a girl, so I guess I need to have some ideas.

This gives people an idea of our tastes. I guess we are a little plain and simple. If anyone has any other choices that you want to direct us to, please feel free!

We hopefully find out if Chubby is a 'he' or a 'she' in 10 days!

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I love this crib!!!

We can only find it on Target.com but we want to see the color. It appears to match our furniture perfectly and I like the style of it.

Lois is even trying to call the manufacturer to find out where we can see it. The other thing is that they don't appear to have a changing table with it, so we are still stuck with changing tables that are too "honey" or too "cherry".

Can I tell you again that I love this crib.

And the convertible idea is wonderful! Crib, toddler bed, day bed, full size bed. If the Chubby doesn't destroy it, it could get him/her all the way to college.

We went crib shopping/looking on Saturday.

We are not registering for a while, but since we know we will be keeping some of the furniture for the nursery that’s in the spare room now, we need to find the right color.

I have bedroom furniture in a cherry color, but it’s not the reddish cherry that most “cherry” colors are. I will probably leave the desk and armoire in the baby’s room and put a crib, changing table and maybe a glider chair (or rocking chair) if it all fits.

Here’s the crib and changing table that Lois loves! If only it came darker. We were a little deterred when we discovered that it was $169 at Walmart. A similar one without the changing table was $104 at Target.

Why are those cribs so “inexpensive” and other ones at Target, Burlington Coat Factory, Babies R Us and USA Baby all in the $300 range? I know spending more $$ doesn’t always mean something is better, but we don’t want to get the cheapest thing out there if it means skimping on safety!

We like the stages/convertible crib idea, but have no idea what else to look for.

Lois likes changing tables that can be either sideways or frontways. She likes changing a baby the long way and every changing table is built to change the baby from the side. And she wants a changing table with drawers or doors, not all open.

Sigh.

The only success on Saturday was that I did point out to Lois the travel system that I like and it got the nod of approval from Lois and her mother.
It can be used for a girl or a boy, right?

Lois had AFP blood tests done last week.

I guess it was a recommended test due to Lois’ age (which is young, of course) but Lois was nervous since we were told there could be a lot of false positives.

I am happy to report that the results from the blood tests are normal!

We are very happy to hear this news and it seems like we have gotten past another thing.

I have accepted the fact that we will be worried about lots of things through out this pregnancy. And, of course, we still remain a little worried about Lois’ history of cervical cancer and 2 LEEP procedures. And hope they do not have any impact on this pregnancy, but we constantly remind the doctors to look out for any sign of incompetent cervix or anything to be concerned about.

As for now, everything looks good!!

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I’ve been asked to share some of our favorite names so far. Of course, we are well aware that we will get two cents from everyone we tell, so we will be a little secretive about the picks that make it into our top 2-3 for a little while.

We think we have picked a middle name. If we use my last name (which is very WASPy), we might use Lois’ mom’s maiden name as a middle name, which is Keenan. (how Irish Catholic!)

Here are some potential names in no particular order.

I have my favorites, but we will spend more time whittling them down when we have a idea of if we are looking for girl names or boy names.

GIRLS

Ella
Emily
Erika
Hailey
Abigail
Megan
Jenna
Mackenzie
Morgan
Victoria
Danica*

*(I put this on the list because Lois has wanted this name all along. I told Lois she shouldn’t be naming our child after an Indy car driver she has the hots for)

BOYS

Andrew (Drew)
Trevor
Jake
Cole (Lois hates that name)
Ryan
Dylan
Kyle
Eric
Sean


You think about so many things when you are naming a kid. You don't want a name to sound like an old bitty, but not so immature that it won't be professional when the kid is grown up.
You need to pay attention to initials (our kid's last name will start with an R). You can't have initials like ASS (a friend of Lois' family) or KKK (a college friend of my sister's.)

We can't use Lucy, Jack, Emma, Samantha, Maggie because they are the names of our friends' pets. We can't use Grace, Julia, Addison, Kaden, Harold or others than are the names of our friends kids. You can't use names that remind you of someone who you don't like so much (and that happens more than one would think).

This is hard and I know we will change our mind several times. I am hoping that once we know whether Chubby is a boy or a girl (14 days), we will come up with a top 3 and make the final decision when our little one enters into the world!!

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Lois and I argue a lot about if Chubby is a boy or a girl.

Usually it involves me saying “her” or “she” and Lois contradicting “him” or “he.”
It’s a lame, cute little game we play.

Yesterday, I emailed her a list of girl names in order of my top choices.

Her response was:

"very gay names for our little guy..."

I would like to think that people are not mean and stupid about same-sex couples as parents, but there are many "unenlightened" people out there and I always worry about how to guide our child through any challenges.

WARNING: THIS IS VERY LONG

I just really wanted to share the following with everyone because I enjoyed the response and the author of the second letter to the editor (the response, not the first letter) is actually a colleague/friend of mine.

First, here’s the original letter to the editor...

Protect Marriage

As state-licensed foster parents, we attend post-licensing continuing education courses and sometimes observe gay or lesbian couples among the class members. We appreciate these good-hearted same-sex couples' desire to provide homes for deserving children in the foster care system. At a recent class, a homosexual couple said that a child raised in their home would be benefited by not having a model of biological connections. As conscientious parents, we must address the serious problems with this and other notions of homosexual couples adopting and foster parenting children, or bringing fatherless or motherless children into the world through artificial insemination or surrogacy.

We know that the law of Connecticut, which our legislators passed in 1999 with little or no input from the public, mandated adoption rights for homosexual couples. We also know that marriage and having a family which to most includes children is part of the American dream. But, no matter how good and selfless the intent and desire of homosexual couples to care for and raise children, these couples (and their advocates) are looking at the situation from their own perspective, without regard for what is best for the children. All the reputable sociological studies show that mothers and fathers parent differently, and children need both a male and a female parent for the best chance for healthy development emotionally, intellectually and socially. (We intend no slight to single parents who have been forced by circumstances beyond their control to raise children on their own.)
These children, whom Connecticut and other states are placing for adoption or long-term foster care by gay and lesbian couples, are being intentionally and perhaps permanently denied any opportunity to be raised by both a mother and a father. This is not fair to the children. These children are being deliberately deprived of the unique parenting skills of the absent-sex parent in their lives. They are also being deliberately deprived of the natural husband/wife, male/female partnership model in their home life. We call upon our state legislators and those in Washington, D.C., to remember children's needs when they are debating measures such as the Federal Marriage Protection Amendment.

"Upholding traditional marriage is about justice for children," states the American College of Pediatricians (www.acpeds.org) . Their Dec. 21, 2005, letter to U.S. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist and Speaker of the House J. Dennis Hastert concludes with: "The best science demonstrates that now, as always, children do best when reared by a man and woman, mother and father, married and committed to them. Our children, the future of our Nation, deserve the best that we can provide for them. Let's not make their lives more difficult than they already are. Please pass the Federal Marriage Amendment to assure that present and future generations of children will not, once again, fall victim to the triumph of selfish adult wants over their real needs."

Because of lawsuits filed by the ACLU and Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders in many states, such as the pending Kerrigan v. Connecticut case, the U.S. Supreme Court will likely be hearing a federal case on same-sex "marriage" within the next few years. Same-sex "marriage" could be absolutized as the law of the land in this nation. As in Massachusetts, it takes only one judge to overrule the will of the people. We are aghast and appalled at the thought of what our nation's children's future will be if the desire of hundreds of ACLU and GLAD lawyers comes to fruition. These advocates, and even some learned professors, are promoting giving legal status and tax benefits to polygamous relationships of bisexual/homosexual (polyamorous) groups.

Some homosexual rights advocates are calling for the total abolishment of the institution of marriage, and even the abandonment of any notion of traditional male or female gender identity, in favor of a totally gender-neutral society. Very recently, the state Legislature of California passed a bill mandating the removal of all gender specific terms such as "mother and father" and "husband and wife" from textbooks to be used in California public schools. On the other coast, since Massachusetts judges mandated same-sex "marriage," children are being taught in school, as early as kindergarten, about homosexual couple-headed families. (See www.boston .com May 4, 2006, article ref. David Parker/Joseph Robert Wirthlin vs. Lexington Public Schools case.)

Hoover Institution fellow Stanley Kurtz describes how other nations are far along the path to total abolition of "marriage" after legalizing same-sex "marriage." (He has written several articles on the subject for the National Review. See www.nationalreview.com. ) All of our society pays the financial costs and suffers the attendant decreased quality of life as traditional marriage and family life have been eroded over recent decades. (We refer to increased crime, violence, youth drug and alcohol use, promiscuity, and abuse and addictions of all kinds in adult society as well as millions more of our nation's children are raised in sub-optimal situations.)

The Marriage Protection Amendment, which a majority of the U.S. Senate voted for on June 7, is not going away. It is the only sure way to put the issue finally to rest for all Americans, to protect from the courts the traditional notion of marriage and family life and the safety net they provide to our children. Despite the Senate defeat (two-thirds would have to vote yes to pass it), House Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, plans to bring up the MPA for debate next month. This is not a partisan issue. It is a family issue. The New York Times reported (June 19, 2005): "Only about a quarter of voters surveyed in the national exit poll following the election favored same-sex marriage, and interestingly enough, only about half of gay and bisexual voters did."

If (and that's a big if) the Senate ever passes the MPA, then begins arguably one of our nation's most democratic of processes, as the legislatures of three quarters of the states would have to vote yes for it to go into law by amending the U.S. Constitution. Sens. Dodd and Lieberman oppose the MPA they say because they believe the decision belongs in the states. So, let's see if we can understand their view. They are OK with judges making the decisions and overruling the will of the people, which is what is happening in many states. They are also OK with legal chaos in our nation, as various states have conflicting laws regarding marriage, civil unions, registered domestic partners, etc., and many Americans relocate to different states. Go figure. Have you made your voice heard to Sen. Dodd and Sen. Lieberman, and your congressman?

Mr. and Mrs. Smith


Long story short, here’s the response written by my friend published by the same paper.



“WAY OFF BASE”

The only thing I can think of to say in response to the patronizing and narrow-minded letter written by Mr. and Mrs. Smith is, “You have to be kidding.” (Friday, June 16, 2006).

In my opinion, it is obvious that they have not spent time in the juvenile court system in Connecticut where child neglect cases are legion. I am a juvenile court attorney where I see, day in and day out, the needs of children. There are the courts where we hear the stories of neglected and abused foster children, children who are homeless, who are shuffled from parent to grandparent to foster home to institutions and beyond. The Smiths may not have contemplated the reality that thousands of children being raised by parents of opposite sexes are routinely abused both physically and sexually, or are victims or parents who abuse alcohol and drugs or who don’t feed them, or who leave them alone for hours and even days.

The Smiths assert that they “know that the law of Connecticut, which our legislators passed in 1999 with little or no input from the public, mandated adoption rights for homosexual couples.”

They must no have spent time at the state Legislature where, for years, there have been public hearings on both co-parent adoptions as well as the recently enacted law allowing same-sex couples to be united in civil unions under the laws of the state. As gay parents, my partner and I testified before the Judiciary Committee in Hartford at the crowded public hearings for co-parent adoption. Thus, we know firsthand that there was, in fact, a great deal of public input about this law.
I don’t believe the Smiths can could among their friends the numerous gay and lesbian couples raising incredibly smart, talented and compassionate children who are becoming well-adjusted and productive members of our society.

Obviously, they have not a clue that children can and often do obtain male and female role modeling from others besides their biological mother or father and it does not appear that the Smiths are familiar with the large and growing body of research regarding the fitness of gays and lesbians to parent. They should at least familiarize themselves with this sampling as quoted from the American Psychological Association Public Interest Web site (www.apa.org):
“Beliefs that gay and lesbian adults are not fit parents…have no empirical foundation (Cramer, 1986; Falk, 1989; Gibbs, 1988; Patterson, 1996). Lesbian and heterosexual woman have not been found to differ markedly either in their overall mental health or in their approaches to child rearing (Kweskin & Cook, 1982; Lyons, 1983; Miller, Jacobsen & Bigner, 1981; Mucklow & Phelan, 1979; Pagelow, 1980; Rand, Graham & Rawlings, 1982; Thompson, McCandless & Strickland, 1971), nor have lesbians’ romantic and sexual relationships with other women been found to detract from their ability to care for their children (Pagelow, 1980)…Research on gay fathers has similarly found no reason to believe them unfit as parents (Barret & Robinson, 1990; Bigner and Bozett, 1990; Bozett, 1980, 1989)…
“In studies of children ranging in age from 5 to 14, results of projective testing and related interview procedures have revealed normal development of gender identity among children of lesbian mothers (Green, 1978; Green, Mandel, Hotvedt, Gray & Smith, 1986; Kirkpatrick, Smith & Roy, 1981). Kirkpatrick and her colleagues (1981) found no differences between children of lesbian versus heterosexual mothers in toy preferences, activities, interests, or occupational choices…
“Studies of other aspects of personal development among children of gay and lesbian parents have assessed a broad assay of characteristics. Among these have been separation-individuation (Steckel, 1985, 1987), psychiatric evaluations (Golombok et al., 1983; Kirkpatrick et al., 1981), assessments of behavioral problems (Flaks, Ficher, Masterpasqua and Joseph, 1995; Golombok et al., 1983; Patterson, 1994a), personality (Gottman, 1990), self-concept (Gottman, 1990; Huggins, 1989; Patterson, 1994a; Puryear, 1983) locus of control (Puryear, 1983; Rees, 1979) moral judgment (Rees, 1979) and intelligence (Green et al., 1986). Research has shown that concerns about difficulties in personal development in these areas among children of lesbian mothers are unwarranted. As was the case for sexual identity, studies of these other aspects of personal development have revealed no major differences between children of lesbian versus heterosexual mothers…

Overall, the belief that children of gay and lesbian parents suffer deficits in personal development has no empirical foundation.”

Like Mr. and Mrs. Smith, my partner and I are also state-licensed foster parents. And, much to their chagrin, we became the foster and then adoptive parents of our second son who was placed with us when he was 4 years old.

Though Mr. and Mrs. Smith may have an opinion that this was not right, the adoption was approved and endorsed by the State of Connecticut, by lawyers and psychologists, by neighbors, grandparents, relatives and friends, and by the probate judge. Could they all be wrong?

I feel sorry for Mr. and Mrs. Smith, who fail to see that, in our world of war and turmoil and all of the challenges that face our children today, fretting over gay marriage or children who are wanted, loved and cared for by parents in committed relationships, or writing inane letters against gay parenting and same-sex marriage, is really just a waste of time.

18 WEEKS!!

Here's our 18 week report:
(really, 16 weeks pregnant, but let's not get into that math thing again)

Wow, it's almost hard to believe that we are 18 weeks pregnant already!

Chubby is about 7 ounces, 5.5 inches and about the size of a sweet potato.

Lois is feeling 100% better and the morning sickness is totally gone, only to be replaced by heartburn. Her energy level is high and instead of lying in bed watching Lifetime movies all day, she is bounding out of bed at ungodly hours ready to take on the world! I'm not sure how I feel about this dramatic turn of events, but so long as the pregnant one is feeling better, that's all that matters!

And Lois is still steadfast in holding out against maternity clothes. Good thing I'm a little bigger and she can wear my big girl clothes for a little while!

17 days left until the anatomy scan!

This is an actual conversation that just occurred. It’s actually pretty similar to the first conversation we had on this subject, I just feel the need to document it.

Holly: "Hello"
Lois: "Okay, it’s definitely, definitely happening now."
What’s happening?
I definitely feel Chubby kicking, it’s a definite, it’s not gas. I’m scared
What do you mean "scared"??
It's weird. I don't know. It's weird, I'm nervous, it's scary.
Lo, this is exciting. You are really feeling the baby move and you know it’s the baby. This is incredible!
It’s more scary than cool right now. I can’t explain it. It’s like having some alien or something you can’t see or can’t control inside of you moving.
ok
It’s definitely Chubby. It’s happening over and over again, like 6 times in 10 minutes.
Lo, that’s Chubby telling you SHE’s there!
Yes, HE is.
Can I be excited for you?
It’s just…I don’t know. There’s this thing drowning in my belly (she is weirded out by the baby breathing in fluid thing) that’s kicking me.
It’s going to happen more and more.
I know, but I’m just…I don’t know if I can get used to this. I can’t imagine a harder kick or a stronger feeling right now.
It makes me jump every single time.

I have a mental picture of Lois sitting at her desk at work jumping at every Chubby kick and having this look of total fear in her eyes.

I think her absolute surprise about every level of pregnancy is cute and a little discerning at the same time.

Tee hee.

First of all, I want to do a shout-out to the bloggers out there who read this blog and who write their own!

I try to stay on top of all the blogs we read even if we don’t comment all the time, and am more than happy to add anyone to our list if they leave me a comment.

I think it’s an amazing thing that we are able to share in each other’s lives through this blog world and want to thank everyone who reads this blog and everyone who contributes to the blog world by sharing their world with us!

Back to our lives (since we have become so solipsistic after getting pregnant)...

Lois is a planner. She is a commitment-phobe when it comes to making plans for entertainment purposes long in advance, but when it comes to money, she wants to know every details of our supposed plan.

I am whatever the exact opposite of that is.

Here’s a poll for our readers...

1. How many people had a watertight plan for the birth of the child as far as the bio-mom taking off work, extra money aside, etc.?

2. How much time did the bio-mom take off work during the child’s arrival? How about the time off the partner/spouse/mommy/daddy took off?

3. If you are interviewing or applying for a job when you are pregnant, what is your moral obligation to your prospective employer (not your legal obligation, but whether you would feel bad or not by not telling prospective interviewer that you are 5-6-7 months pregnant, but when you get the job, you take it, then tell them you are taking 12 weeks off a little while later)????

I am trying to stop her from completely freaking out. She snapped at me this morning when I mentioned her going after this city job, something about how I don’t understand how much day care costs.

She’s not accepting my answer of "it’ll all work out."

I did my 9/11 story on my livejournal page.

Feel free to let me know your story by leaving me a comment there.

It’s Photo Friday…

Today’s theme is BOY.

Since it was tough to decide between pics of Kaden and Harold, I decided to post one of my nephew riding a vintage Farmall tractor with my friend Bill. How BOY is that!

Lois just called from her doctor’s appointment. Everything went well. When the doc was checked for Chubby’s heartbeat with the Doppler, the Chubbster gave a swift kick. It was a big fat "HERE I AM" with a bang!

Everything looks good and she had yet another blood test.

These appointments usually only take 5 minutes, so I was worried that Lois got lost on her way there with my back road/traffic avoidance directions when she didn’t call after 30 minutes.

When she did call, she said that she’d been done for 15 minutes, but spent the time chatting with the nurses.

The nurses are so invested in this pregnancy, it’s unbelievable.

At least one or two nurses said they are staying late the night of our anatomy scan so they can find out with us!

I figure it is probably due to the fact that it’s an OB/GYN office, not a reproductive specialist office so they are not used to actually "getting their patients pregnant."

We have an appointment set up for the anatomy scan on September 29th @ 5 pm.
Yippee!!!

That means everyone better get their guesses in to the Expectnet game before then!

The clouds have parted, the sun is shining and flowers are blooming!

Lois is cooking again!

This is great for me because that means I don’t do take out for every single meal! But also, of course, great for Lois because this means she is feeling better!

She even made a hot dip with cream cheese, salsa and monterey jack cheese. She hates cream cheese and salsa! What’s up with that?

Segue….

We went to the Stormville Flea Market on Sunday and I had a continuous thought as I was people watching.

Now, I didn’t really consider myself pretentious, but my was something like this “look at all these scary, crazy-looking people with children. If they can handle it, we definitely can!” or “conservatives are worried about us having children, look at these frightening straight people who are allowed to have kids with so much ease!”

Is that bad?